


How To Play Dead

by Smillaraaq



Series: Poison Years [2]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Community: Saiyuki_time, Dark, Dissociation, Ficlet, Homelessness, M/M, POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Prostitution, Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-31
Updated: 2011-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-23 07:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smillaraaq/pseuds/Smillaraaq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>He barely even notices the ones who pull his hair or slap him or call him filthy names; it's nothing he's not used to. He's taken much, much worse for years; at least now he's getting paid for it...</i></p><p>Another brief scene out of young Gojyo's hardscrabble lost years between losing Jien and meeting Banri; contains non-explicit but potentially disturbing references to underaged male prostitution, and indirect references to past physical and emotional child abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Play Dead

Stumbling out of the alley, Gojyo scrubs his scarred knuckles against his mouth and tells himself that this was the last time, the very last time, he'll ever do anything like this.

He'd told himself that before, of course, and it was always a lie. He'd try to believe in it for a while, but sooner or later something always broke through the self-deception: cold winds that slice through his threadbare clothes, the gnawing protests of a stomach sickened from rotten scraps, the pain of a festering wound that won't heal without medicine. He's got a thousand different problems that all boil down to the single burning truth of his existence: he needs money. And this is the fastest way he can get it, short of stealing -- fastest, and safest. There's never much mercy to be found for a pickpocket caught with hands as red as his hair and eyes. Whoring sometimes gets him roughed up and driven out of town, too, but at least they usually let him keep the money he's earned.

It's easy enough work, a little easier each time. He just lets his mind drift away somewhere, far from the ache of strained jaws and cold paving stones digging into his knees. He thinks of hot food, soft beds, the sweet rush of nicotine, anything but what his body's doing without him, a million miles away. He barely even notices the ones who pull his hair or slap him or call him filthy names; it's nothing he's not used to. He's taken much, much worse for years; at least now he's getting paid for it.

But this time, this last time, there weren't any claws digging in his shoulders or snarls of abuse. This time, the guy didn't shove Gojyo away when he'd finished with him; instead he'd looked down, and run gentle fingers over long red tangles, and smiled. Smiled, and told Gojyo what a good boy he was, eyes crinkling in the corners like he'd really meant it...

Gojyo leans heavily against a wall, gasping like he's been running for miles. He fumbles through his pockets for the tiny flask of rotgut, spills half of it on its way to his mouth and chokes and wheezes as it burns its way down, numbing taste buds he wishes he didn't have. His stomach's twisting itself into knots and he's sure he'd be hurling already if there were anything to bring up beyond bile and...well, at least the taste's gone.

He can't rinse the memory away that easily. He can still see the man smiling down at him, like Gojyo had done something right, and for just a moment he'd _liked_ it, had felt such a warm glow of happiness, like a child, a stupid helpless _child_. His stomach had lurched and he'd staggered to his feet and ran away like a whipped dog.

He retches and wipes at his mouth again. He's never doing that again, _never_ , no matter how broke and hurt and hungry he is. This time he really means it.

And he'd run off in such a panic that he didn't even get the money first.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in April 2008 for the [Saiyuki_Time](http://saiyuki-time.livejournal.com) LJ community's [Challenge #3: Post-coital](http://saiyuki-time.livejournal.com/23006.html). Title from the [song of the same name](http://www.lyricstime.com/sleater-kinney-how-to-play-dead-lyrics.html) by Sleater-Kinney; like the earlier "No Lullaby", this is currently a mostly stand-alone ficlet, but may eventually be part of a larger collection exploring young Gojyo's backstory.


End file.
